The funniest man in British sport - Metro Peter Crouch is a comedy genius - Daily Mail Often recruited before they've worn long trousers, today's footballers become superstars who earn huge amounts without ever learning much about the world beyond the training ground. Coddled by their support teams, everything is done for them. They live their lives in the glaring media spotlight, yet only really develop one life skill - how to kick a ball better. Then inevitably, when age catches up with them or injury strikes, these man-children are thrown out into the real world, utterly defenceless apart from their multi-million-pound bank accounts. So what do these Peter Pans, whose careers end just as most people's are getting going, do with the rest of their lives? Crouch speaks from his own experience and discusses with fellow former professionals too - just how do you safely release a near seven-foot striker back into the wild? Peter goes in search of the answer to what his second career might be and encounters stories far more bizarre than anything you'll find on the pitch. From the pleasure and pain of management to the lessons we can learn from Jamie Carragher and Joe Cole on not going to seed. From those staying in the sport - the diehard veterans, coaches, managers, owners and of course the legion of pundits, to those moving on to pastures new. Peter talks to entrepreneurs, men of the cloth, eco warriors, artists, private detectives and budding actors, as well as those who've lost their way in addiction, crime and NFTs. When the final whistle blows, it's still all to play for.

Join the nation's favourite married couple and chart-topping podcast hosts, Abbey Clancy and Peter Crouch, as they discuss the realities of modern relationships in this hilarious and relatable guide. From the moment you swipe right or lock eyes across a crowded bar, you step onto a rollercoaster ride of dating, first kisses and romantic weekends away. Then before you know it, you're meeting the in-laws, moving in together and walking down the aisle. It's not all highs, there are lows too: you've got your other half's annoying habits to discover and you need to learn how to win every argument in pursuit of always being right. When kids come along, sexy text messages make way for school whatsapp groups and suddenly you have no time for one another. Life is a blur of nappies, sleepless nights and chauffeuring as your offspring embark on a more colourful social life than you could dream of. That first date might just be the start of a relationship that lasts for the rest of your life, so choose wisely. From hooking up to breaking up and getting together to staying together, join us as we navigate our way through the trials and tribulations of dating and relationships. Celebrating all that's good and bad about being in pursuit of love, we ask can you ever find you happy ever after?

'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro Featured on BBC Radio 2 with Chris Evans You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you’re suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate. So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror. We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We’ll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson’s assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions. I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we? Can’t get enough of Crouch? Tune into That Peter Crouch Podcast on Radio 5 Live

'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times 'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro **A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year** **Shortlisted for the National Book Awards** **Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year** You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate. So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror. We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay GBP250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions. I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?

He is 6ft 7in tall but Peter Crouch's height is not the only thing that makes the Liverpool and England striker different: he has a football story like no other player in the modern game. Crouch has risen from humble beginnings at non-league Dulwich Hamlet on loan to be an England striker and the first to score ten international goals in a calendar year. His career has not been the smooth journey from teen prodigy to Premiership star enjoyed by so many of his England team-mates. Booed by England fans in October 2005, Crouch had the same supporters on their feet with a hat-trick for his country eight months later. WALKING TALL is about a footballer who has always found himself under intense scrutiny - for the way he looks as much as his ability on the pitch. Crouch's story is also about his constant battle to win over the doubters. He talks about the managers who have backed him - as well as those who have written him off - and relives the pain of rejection at Aston Villa, contrasted with the elation of his GBP7 million transfer to Liverpool just one year later in the summer of 2005. Crouch was a key figure in England's 2006 World Cup campaign and in WALKING TALL he talks about his famous robot dance as well as the goals and the disappointments of that summer in Germany. For Crouch, the journey continues under Rafael Benitez at Anfield and with Fabio Capello's England team. Funny, honest and open, WALKING TALL is the story of an unlikely hero.

**A Daily Mail Book of the Year** What happens on the pitch is only half the story. Being a footballer is not just kicking a ball about with twenty-one other people on a big grass rectangle. Sometimes being a footballer is about accidentally becoming best mates with Mickey Rourke, or understanding why spitting is considered football's most heinous crime. In How to be a Footballer, Peter Crouch took us into a world of bad tattoos and even worse haircuts, a world where you're on the pitch one minute, spending too much money on a personalised number plate the next. In I, Robot, he lifts the lid even further on the beautiful game. We will learn about Gareth Bale's magic beans, the Golden Rhombus of Saturday night entertainment, and why Crouchy's dad walks his dog wearing an England tracksuit from 2005. Whether you're an armchair expert, or out in the stands every Saturday, crazy for five-a-side or haven't put on a pair of boots since school, this is the real inside story of how to be a footballer.

What happens on the pitch is only half the story.

Being a footballer is not just kicking a ball about with twenty-one other people on a big grass rectangle. Sometimes being a footballer is about accidentally becoming best mates with Mickey Rourke, or understanding why spitting is considered football’s most heinous crime.

In How to be a Footballer, Peter Crouch took us into a world of bad tattoos and even worse haircuts, a world where you’re on the pitch one minute, spending too much money on a personalised number plate the next. In I, Robot, he lifts the lid even further on the beautiful game. We will learn about Gareth Bale’s magic beans, the Golden Rhombus of Saturday night entertainment, and why Crouchy’s dad walks his dog wearing an England tracksuit from 2005.

Whether you’re an armchair expert, or out in the stands every Saturday, crazy for five-a-side or haven’t put on a pair of boots since school, this is the real inside story of how to be a footballer.

Set in Victorian London, where the rich held 90% of wealth, and the poor were mostly living below the poverty line, in most cases starving. Fredrick, a French gypsy, left his family in France to travel with a fairground bound for England. In the East End of London, boxing for a living at the fairground, he met Emily Hurlin by chance, the daughter of a wealthy businessman and silk merchant, a descendant from the French Huguenots. Fredrick and Emily fell in love, against all sense and reality, but their love was frowned upon and she was disowned by her family and had to run away to get married and start a new life with a baby on the way. It was doomed to fail, before it began, or was it? They put up one hell of a fight. Fred's weaknesses were women, drinking and fighting. Emily's were that she loved too much.

Who would have thought that running a carpet cleaning franchise could be so funny? In this hilarious book of funny tales and events, Peter Crouch not only entertains with stories that you just wouldn't expect, but along the way gives you an insight into how many unexpected events await the new business owner! Set in Perth, Western Australia, this account traces the true life story of the adventures that led to the "Franchise of the Year" award.

This book explores connections between control theory and geometric mechanics. The author links control theory with a geometric view of classical mechanics in both its Lagrangian and Hamiltonian formulations, and in particular with the theory of mechanical systems subject to motion constraints. The synthesis is appropriate as there is a rich connection between mechanics and nonlinear control theory. The book provides a unified treatment of nonlinear control theory and constrained mechanical systems that incorporates material not available in other recent texts. The book benefits graduate students and researchers in the area who want to enhance their understanding and enhance their techniques.